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Instead, the authors suggest to focus on what you really want. In emotionally charged situations we often self-sabotage our crucial conversations by focusing on the wrong thing. The more words you need to express a problem, the less prepared you are to tackle it. Summarising complex problems is even messier, but articulating the definition of the problem in as few words as possible increases our chances of solving the problem. It is worth focusing on the most pressing one without diving into the rest. The third time, it's a pattern."Īfter unbundling the problem at hand we usually get several issues. "The first time something happens, it's an incident. You can lose your confidence, and trust in your colleague or partner. Relationship: If patterns escalate they can impact the relationship.The problem at this stage is not just that there is an issue at hand, but that it occurred several times. Pattern: When the same problem occurs several times, we have a pattern.Content: The first time the problem comes up, it is a content problem without far-reaching consequences.Unbundling means identifying whether it is a content, pattern, or relationship problem we are touching. Human interactions are complex and targeting multiple problems during one conversation can make it impossible to resolve conflicts.Ĭhoosing one topic does not mean that choosing the topic at hand, but finding the real reason behind the problem and targeting that topic.Īsk yourself: "What's the real issue I need to address?"Ī person who is skilled at choosing the right topic is skilled at three distinct skills. What to do before you open your mouth? Choose Your TopicĬrucial Conversations are the most effective when they are focusing on one issue. The CEO takes it to his heart, but after thinking it through thanks the leader for pointing this out and backs off.īut how do we start engaging in Crucial Conversations?įirst, we should think before we open our mouths. But one leader speaks up, he shares how much he values the work of the CEO, but he also shares his concerns on whether the CEO wants to move the facilities to this remote location because it is closer to his hometown. The plan does not make any sense but it looks like no one wants to share this, since the CEO proposed the change. In the book, there is the story of a CEO who presents a plan to move some facilities of the company to a remote location. Managers take care of bad performers which is better for the organisation and for the individual as well.Ĭrucial Conversations start with people finding a way to get all the relevant information out in the open in a respective way.
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